Millwall Jokes (2026): 150+ Lions Banter Lines, Sorted by Joke Format

Millwall fans do not need a mascot. They have a whole stand of lions.

No one likes us, we don't care. It is the most honest club motto in English football.

Millwall's away kit is navy, and so is the mood when the bus breaks down on the A2.

A Millwall fan's favourite weather is "grey, with a chance of noise."

Millwall were born on the Isle of Dogs and grew up to be lions. Evolution is wild.

My Millwall season ticket has been to more funerals, weddings and christenings than I have. It goes everywhere.

Millwall fans never get lost. They just follow the roar.

The Den has the only crowd that can make a throw-in sound like a penalty shout.

Founded by factory workers, so of course the club has a strong work ethic and a tin of something in the bag.

I asked a Millwall fan if he was nervous before the match. He said, "Lions don't get nervous. They get peckish."

My mum supports Millwall from her armchair. The neighbours can tell when we score.

Once a Lion, always a Lion.

Millwall fans can spot a dodgy offside call from the top deck of a bus.

The club has been called Rovers, Athletic and plain Millwall. Lions do not need a long name.

I have three alarms on matchday. Two are clocks, one is my dad doing the Roar.

What is a Millwall fan's favourite subject at school? Roar-ithmetic.

Why did the lion join Millwall? It heard the fans were the main-e attraction.

What do you call a Millwall player who scores every week? A lion-heart. And very rare.

Why do Millwall fans love tinned food? The club was founded by a canning factory.

What is navy blue, white and loud all over? The Den on a Saturday.

Why did the lion cub bring a scarf to school? It was a Den-tist appointment.

What is the hardest thing about being a Millwall fan? Explaining to people that you are lovely really.

What does a Millwall lion read on the bus? The mane-paper.

Why did the Millwall striker go to the zoo? To practise his lion-up.

What is a Millwall fan's idea of a quiet game? Only one Roar.

What came first, the Lions or the Dockers? The Dockers. The Lions came after a cup run in 1900.

Why are Millwall lions always so calm? They have pride.

What do lions eat before kick-off? Lion-chovies on toast.

What is louder than a Millwall goal? A Millwall near miss.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Morton. Morton who? Morton just a club, it's a family.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Rovers. Rovers who? Rovers the river, we moved to New Cross in 1910.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Lionel. Lionel who? Lionel roar if you don't let him in.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Docker. Docker who? Docker the halls, it's a Millwall Christmas.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Thames. Thames who? Thames the breaks, mate, now open up.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Isle. Isle who? Isle see you at The Den on Saturday.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Navy. Navy who? Navy you could make room for one more Lion.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Canning. Canning you hear us? We're singing outside.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Den. Den who? Den let me in, it's freezing on Cold Blow Lane.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Pride. Pride who? Pride of south London, that's who.

Then: Cold Blow Lane. Now: still cold, still blowing, different postcode.

Then: the Old Den. Now: The Den. Millwall fans like a name that does what it says on the tin.

Then: standing on terraces. Now: standing in front of your seat anyway.

Then: the Old Den. Now: the New Den. Next: the Den-ominator.

Then: a pie and a cup of tea. Now: a pie, a cup of tea and a photo of the pie.

The Den was the first new all-seater stadium built after the Taylor Report. Millwall like to be first, just quietly.

Then: Dad lifted me over the turnstile. Now: my back cannot lift Dad.

Then and now, the Roar sounds the same.

Then: a crackly radio in the shed. Now: a crackly phone stream in the shed.

Then: Millwall Rovers. Now: Millwall. They stopped roving and started roaring.

Then: one bus to the ground. Now: one bus, two apps and a rail replacement service.

Did you know Millwall started in a canning factory? The club has been tinned and tested since 1885.

The first Millwall team talk was held between shifts. Players had sardines at half-time.

Why did the factory workers start a football club? They wanted to preserve their weekends.

Millwall's Scottish roots explain the navy and white. Every kit has a bit of Dundee in it.

Millwall lost their first ever game 5-0. Even in 1885 they kept fans humble.

What did the factory foreman say about the new team? "It's a can-do club."

The club left the Isle of Dogs for New Cross in 1910. Probably the only time Lions crossed a river by choice.

The east stand is named the Dockers Stand. You will not find a quieter name for a louder place.

Before they were Lions, they were neighbours with a ball after a long week at work.

Why are Millwall fans so good at packing? Factory training.

Dockers' Days at The Den: proof that history and a hot dog go well together.

The Millwall Roar is so low that whales in the Thames reply.

It sounds like a hum, it means a roar, and it lasts longer than most first halves.

Why are Millwall fans so good at the Roar? They have had lots of practice in the shower.

My nan does the Millwall Roar to get the dog in. Works every time.

I tried the Roar at a library. They asked me to leave. I said, "No one likes us."

"No one likes us, we don't care" is the only chant that also works as advice for teenagers.

The Roar is what a family sounds like when it all agrees at once.

What do you call a Millwall fan with a sore throat? A Roar-less Lion.

At my wedding, the band asked for requests. Half the room started the Roar.

The Roar starts low, rises slow and ends with everybody slightly dizzy.

Why did the Roar win a prize? It was a sound performance.

Mug: We fear no foe, but we do fear the tea going cold.

Scarf: We fear no foe where e'er we go, except the Blackwall Tunnel at rush hour.

Banner: Pride of the Lions, roar of the crowd.

Mug: My favourite colour is navy, my favourite noise is the Roar.

Tote bag: No one likes us, but everyone wants our pie recipe.

Fridge magnet: Lions since 1900, Dockers since 1885.

Doormat: Welcome to The Den. Wipe your paws.

Mug: World's okayest Millwall fan. Still turns up every week.

Phone case: We fear no foe, only low battery.

Baby vest: Little Lion, big Roar.

Millwall lost the 2004 final and still qualified for Europe. Now that is a plot twist.

My uncle still has his 2004 cup final ticket in his wallet. The wallet is worth less than the ticket.

Why did Millwall go to Europe after losing the final? They had a passport to roar.

The 1900 cup run gave Millwall a nickname. Most teams just get a medal.

Every cup run starts with a fan saying, "Imagine if."

The Lions of the South name came from a cup run in 1900. Good branding takes time and a giant-killing.

My dad describes 2004 like it was yesterday, including the traffic.

What is a Lion's favourite cup? The FA Cub.

In our house, the FA Cup third round is a national holiday. Nobody else knows.

Every Lions fan remembers their first cup run, even the ones that ended in round three.

Millwall and West Ham have one thing in common: both claim the docks and neither wants the bill.

The Docklands derby: two clubs, one river and a hundred years of "we were here first."

Why do Millwall and West Ham fans never share a boat? They cannot agree which way is forward.

My West Ham mate and I have a deal. We do not talk football in December. Or the rest of the year.

Two old dockyard neighbours who still check what the other one is up to.

Derby week in our office: one claret mug, one navy mug and a very nervous kettle.

What do you call a Millwall fan on the Isle of Dogs? Home, technically.

I bought a West Ham fan a birthday cake. I iced it in navy blue. He has not spoken to me since.

Millwall started north of the river and moved south. West Ham fans say they are still lost.

I took my son to The Den. He said, "Is it a den?" I said, "It's a lion's den. Mind your manners."

Dad joke: I support Millwall for the exercise. My heart rate goes up and so does my voice.

Why did Dad bring a can opener to The Den? He heard it was a tin-tense match.

My dad says he is not loud. He just has a voice that carries to Bermondsey.

What did the dad lion say after a draw? "Well, that was a mane event."

Dad's matchday kit: scarf, flask, lucky coat and the same opinions since 1993.

Why do Millwall dads love the zoo? They want to see the squad's cousins.

My dad taught me the Roar before he taught me to ride a bike. Priorities.

Dad says Millwall is a lifestyle. Mum says it is a lifestyle with muddy boots.

Why did Dad wear two scarves to The Den? One for warmth and one for the Roar.

My dad has a lucky chair at home. It has not been lucky since 2004, but he is loyal.

What does a baby Lion drink at The Den? Roar-ange juice.

Why did the lion cub get a gold star? It was the mane character in class.

What is a Lioness's favourite game? Hide and roar.

Why do lions like football? They love a good cat-ch.

Why did the lion cub carry the ball everywhere? It was his favourite toy, and nobody argued with him.

Why did the young Lion bring a pillow to The Den? For a cat-nap at half-time.

What do lions wear to bed? Paw-jamas in navy and white.

Why did the Lioness score so many goals? She always went for the pounce.

Navy and white, morning and night, the Lions are always in sight.

The kettle is on and the scarf is on too. Saturday's sorted, The Den's in view.

Roses are red, the Den is blue, if you can't hear the Roar, it's not coming from you.

Pie in my left hand, flask in my right, I'll cheer for the Lions with all of my might.

From factory floor to a stadium's roar, the Lions keep asking for more.

A lion is brave, a lion is proud, a lion sounds best in a navy blue crowd.

The bus was late and the rain came down, but nothing stops a Lion in this town.

Mum says be quiet, Dad says shout, the Roar decides what it is all about.

We came for the football, we stayed for the din, we left with a sore throat and a massive grin.

Cold Blow Lane or The Den today, the Lions still go out and play.

Tins and docks and a river's flow, the Lions grew from long ago.

My voice is gone, my feet are wet, best Saturday I have had yet.

True: Millwall started on the Isle of Dogs. False: the dogs picked the kit.

True: The Den opened in 1993. False: the half-time queue has moved since.

True: the club's first game in 1885 was a 5-0 defeat. False: the fans have only just forgiven it.

True: Millwall are the Lions. False: they eat referees. They prefer pies.

True: Millwall reached the 2004 FA Cup final. False: my uncle has stopped talking about it.

True: the Old Den stood on Cold Blow Lane. False: the wind was ever warm.

True: the Roar sounds like a hum. False: anyone has ever hummed it quietly.

True: Millwall fans love their club. Also true: they love each other.

Caption: Grey skies, navy hearts, one long Roar.

Caption: South London's pride, and proud of it.

Caption: Feeling paw-sitive about Saturday.

Caption: My first Den day. I roared once and my dad cried.

Caption: No one likes us, but this pie definitely does.

Caption: Born on the docks, raised in the Den.

Caption: Living the Lion life.

Caption: Dressed in navy, fuelled by tea, ready to Roar.

Caption: Lions and Lionesses, together on matchday.

Caption: We fear no foe. We fear the queue at half-time.

Caption: Mane character energy.

Caption: My throat is sore, my heart is full.